Life Lessons
by TheNewIdea
Summary: In which Wile E. Coyote talks about the important things in life and Bugs Bunny takes it for what's its worth. A partial rewrite of "Up on High".


The drawing room of Warner Brothers Studios was a dark cubicle filled office building; it had been ever since 1989, the building itself a testament of a time long forgotten by most, save for those who took the time to look inward and find the truth. The only employees of the studio besides Bob and Ted Warner, the owners of the company, were ironically the Looney Tunes themselves. For the most part, they did the workload of actor and animator, drawing the cells and landscapes and then putting themselves inside of them. It was thankless work and tiring, but it was work.

Bugs Bunny sat at his desk staring at a blank piece of paper surrounded by pencils, pens and a single ruler. The desk lamp was starting to burn a hole through the wood, the small droning sound of the lamp increasing with time and getting on the rabbit's nerves. His eyes were bloodshot red from lack of sleep, his fur was ragged and his teeth were cracked and yellowed, for he hadn't been home in days and was on the verge of going insane. Picking up the pencil he had been using and bringing it to the paper for what would have been the 156th time that night Bugs begged the pencil to draw. With a shaking hand, making scribblings as a result, the rabbit burst into tears and slammed his head on the desk, discarding the pencil, throwing it in the corner of the room in shame and disappointment.

"Why can't I do it?" Bugs asked, talking to himself, "How do they expect us to do this?"

Out of the corner of the room by a large window came the faint glow of a smartphone, giving off just enough light to reveal Wile E. Coyote, who was also staying late. The coyote was, for better or worse, healthy as far as coyotes were concerned. At the very least he was fed, which given his history of starvation, was a step in the right direction. His claws were trimmed and his teeth were filed; his left ear had been fixed off the chip it had received and his defeated glare was replaced with a look of interest and confidence.

"What are you doing here Wile E.?" Bugs asked curiously, "Shouldn't you be at home? Your wife must be worried sick about you."

Wile E. nodded in partial agreement, for earlier that evening his wife did call asking about him, wondering if he was alright. The coyote spent almost an hour on the phone, his ears attentive and sharp, ready for whatever she had to say.

"Is the great Bugs Bunny worried about me?" Wile E. asked, half sarcastic and half joking, pocketing the phone, "And here I was thinking you didn't care."

Bugs huffed, catching Wile E.'s sarcasm and rolled his eyes. The coyote laughed in turn and shook it off.

"Everything's fine between us" Wile E. continued, "Catherine and me, we're great. Trying to make something of ourselves, bring a few more coyotes in the world. You know how it goes."

Bugs sighed and shook his head, for he had no idea how such things went and even if he did there was no chance in the world he would discuss them with Wile E. Coyote. Standing up from his desk, giving up for the night, Bugs, dragging his feet across the floor, made his way towards the door. Wile E., interested if only because Bugs was the only other person in the building, casually followed, grabbing his coat from the coatrack on the way out.

The parking lot was dark, there was little in the way of lighting, the building having gone into a slight state of disrepair. Bugs' walk was quick and unevenly paced, Wile E.'s in contrast, was slow and mindful, as if everything was right in the world.

"You can't do it alone you know" Wile E. declared, picking up his pace in order to catch up, draping his coat over his shoulder.

Bugs stopped and turned around, his eyes full of pain and confusion, two emotions that Wile E. knew and understood.

"Why are you here Wile E.?" Bugs asked, his voice quiet and barely audible, "What business do you have, being in a place like this?"

Wile E. smiled and gently placed his hand on the rabbit's shoulder.

"What kind of question is that Bugs?" Wile E. replied, answering with a question of his own, "My business is our business. As for the reason, consider this, why does anyone do anything?"

Bugs was not looking for philosophy or wisdom. He did not need the consoler or the professor, he needed a friend who listened without judgement. Normally he would've gone to Daffy, for he knew him best, but since he was currently unavailable, having moved to Connecticut, the rabbit had little choice but to confide in the coyote.

"How long do you think we'll last?" Bugs began, curiosity and hopelessness clearly showing in his voice, "We've been doing this for so long. Can we even do anything else?"

Wile E. said nothing and shrugged. As far as he was concerned he had little to worry about, for he had his consoling office and his part-time professorship to keep him steady for years, not to mention his wife, who worked as an editor for the local newspaper.

"No one is meant to do one thing forever" Wile E. answered, "Change is inevitable. It comes with time. The only question to ask is what to do when it comes."

Bugs nodded, for he could not deny Wile E.'s words and the truth they held within them, still it did little to comfort him. It was then that the rabbit found Wile E.'s arm draped over his shoulder. He turned towards the coyote to find a worried yet warm look on his face, the face of someone who had devoted their undivided attention.

"Nothing is that simple Wile E." Bugs exclaimed, "I'm not like you. This is all I know."

Wile E. shook his head in disagreement, refusing to believe that Bugs, the staple of Warner Brothers, was reduced to one thing. He believed, like all good people do, potential lay in more than just ability to do a job. It was intrusive to one's being, something that, no matter how hard other people tried, was impossible to take away.

"Not true" Wile E. retorted, "You are more than one thing Bugs Bunny. It's a job not your life. You live it regardless if you get a paycheck or not."

Bugs laughed, he wished that he had Wile E.'s optimism, or at the very least his worldview. He wondered what it must be like, to have everything that you ever wanted, for despite his mansion that he rarely stayed in and the car that he never drove, Bugs had nothing that he would consider comforts, all of his friends: Daffy, Elmer, Yosemite Sam, Speedy, and Porky had moved on, each of them going their separate ways and living their lives to the best of their ability.

"It must be great to be you Wile E." Bugs replied, pitying himself, "You always have all the answers."

Wile E. casually broke away as Bugs continued making his way towards his car. As Wile E. watched Bugs reach for his keys and open the driver's side door he could only think about all the times that he didn't have all the answers.

"And being you wasn't enough?" Wile E. asked rhetorically. Turning away and walking towards the sidewalk, on which was a bus stop that would take him five blocks from his apartment, Wile E. thought about what his wife was doing, if she was asleep or if she stayed up, and if she was up if she was watching TV or sitting on the couch and worrying. He hoped that it was the former, for he hated to have Catherine worry.

Sitting in his car and secretly hating himself, Bugs Bunny debated whether or not he should get out or stay where he was. Part of him wanted to put his key in the ignition and drive off, leaving Wile E. on the corner for the bus that would not appear for another twenty minutes. Another part of him wanted to offer Wile E. a ride even though it was several minutes out of his way, and a third part wanted to do nothing, perfectly content with staying the night inside the car. After a few minutes of contemplation and finding that Wile E. was still at the bus stop, Bugs relented and stepped out of his car.

Walking towards the bus stop, Bugs found that Wile E. was once again on his phone, texting. The street light that was above them casually flickered in the darkness, the blub in need of replacing; like the lamp in the office, a slight droning noise emitted from the light causing a slight annoyance in Bugs' ears, for they were sensitive and thus constantly in pain.

"What's up doc?" Bugs asked, trying to ease his way into a conversation at the same time dropping his signature catchphrase.

Wile E. huffed and shook his head, amazed at Bugs' pathetic display.

"We're not in one of your cartoons Bugs" Wile E. defended, "And I'm not Elmer, so don't give me that 'What's up doc?' crap."

Bugs shrugged and immediately put his hands at his side, swinging them awkwardly side-to-side as if he was thinking of conversation topics. Wile E. meanwhile, continued to text, virtually ignoring Bugs and his attempts. Glancing over and seeing that Wile E. was occupied, Bugs switched tactics, resulting to whistling "How Do You Do?", the only song that he thought appropriate for the situation. After a few seconds of whistling Wile E., in response, pocketed his phone and let out a long and heavy sigh as he looked down the road, searching for the bus, periodically checking his watch.

"It's getting late" Wile E. said, mostly talking to himself, "She's going to kill me."

Turning towards the bus stop and getting under the awning, Wile E. sat on the small, wet, and cold bench with relative indifference as he nervously began going over a proper apology in his head. Bugs, stifling his laughter at his own ridiculousness, turned towards Wile E., maintaining his whistling, at this point his only goal annoying the coyote.

Wile E. glared at Bugs and rolled his eyes, he couldn't believe that he was resorting to such childish behavior when all that really needed to be done was to talk to him like a normal human being, physical appearances aside.

"Do you mind?" Wile E. said, on the verge of going insane, "Some of us are trying to sit in peace!"

Bugs laughed, this time holding nothing back and gently extended his hand.

"So you do acknowledge me" Bugs exclaimed, "I always knew you had it in yah-"

Wile E. huffed and shook his head, peering down the street once again, still looking for the bus.

"You can stop trying now" Wile E. said, still shutting him out, "You don't care about me. You never have, why start now?"

Bugs fell silent, he wasn't entirely sure what to say or if he should anything at all. He never thought about Wile E. Coyote as being a sentimentalist, but then again he didn't think about him becoming a professor or a counselor, and yet he was both; and he was the last person on the face of the earth he would expect to get married.

"Wile E." Bugs began, awkwardly, "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize" Wile E. replied, immediately cutting him off, "Never apologize for something you meant. It is beneath you."

The bus pulled up moments later, causing them both to stand. As Wile E. emerged from the underneath the awning he turned to Bugs and sighed.

"Thank you for listening" Wile E. said as he extended his hand, apologizing for the sake of apologizing, despite the fact that it was not necessary; "Not many would care to sit next a coyote and talk, much less try and humor them."

Bugs shook this off, for he knew that Wile E. had no right to say such things, that in reality it was he who should be thanking him.

"Don't mention it doc" Bugs returned, "We're Looney Tunes remember?"

Wile E. stopped and nodded, hanging his head in disappointment. He had hoped that Bugs would see that it was more than just being Looney Tunes or working at Warner Brothers that connected them, that it was a common state of empathy and understanding.

"Yes we are" Wile E. answered as he walked towards the bus, "But haven't you ever wanted to be something more?"

With this Wile E. Coyote stepped onto the bus and sat down, leaving Bugs standing beside himself on the corner. It was then that his phone buzzed, a text message. It was from Ted, it read: "You're fired" it was then followed by long apology that would've been better served for an email. The rabbit could only laugh to himself as he thought about how convenient the situation was; especially given Wile E.'s words. As he reached his car and exited the parking lot, Bugs' first thought turned to Lola; at the time he wasn't exactly sure why. It was only later, when he reached his two story mansion on the outskirts of the city did he realize that it was the beginning of an idea. Ten minutes before he would retire to bed, Bugs picked up the phone and began making calls, the first person he called, Wile E. Coyote.


End file.
